The first game being these early-mid adult years where the game is, simply put, to get degrees and to accomplish stuff. You write books, you write songs, you develop talents, you get letters after your name, you get married, etc.
But then, I thought about many of the people I meet in their later years and I noted the change in conversation and getting to know them.
At my current age, it's obvious people are really looking at how well you're playing the first game. They'll ask, "What are you studying," "What degree are you on," "Are you single," or "Are you published?"
But when I meet adults, often it is in a setting that you have something in common that you are working on together. The conversations ask what you are doing and often not what you've done. So, maybe the conversation doesn't change much, just the nature of the answers. But I notice that I often don't find out what degrees someone has, or what famous things they've done for a long time after knowing them.
And even when I find that stuff out, it seems to matter very, very little. No degree, single degree, quadruple degree, published, mother, past priest... all that matters is what continues to make you what you are.
That's where the theory of the second game comes in. The first game matters because it shapes you, but the second game is what really matters, is what happens when you "deepen."
Like when I was reading about one of my favorite authors, Madeleine L'Engle. I read how she got many college degrees and she was a musician to boot. And I didn't know all the stuff Carol had done in her past when she became my friend. What mattered in each case was who they were then.
So, it's an outer game and an inner game.
And to be honest, in this age group it seems that most of my peers are unaware that there is a second game, no matter whether they are playing it well or not.
It's one reason why I appear to be so patient when it comes to the first game. Because that's not the one I'm focused on playing. I recognize that I may try my hardest and put all of my considerable effort in a pursuit that I may never use again.
Like my Dad. He started out in Nuclear Engineering, but then became a firefighter because it's what he enjoyed. Or Julia Roberts with her veterinary degree, becoming an actor. And Kathy Tyers with her degree in microbiology. I like that, but what I really care about is her flute playing, her writing, and her general spirit. Because those are the things that stick with her.
The funny part is we try to control the first game, but we're obviously not very good at it. And I guess it makes me wonder what I'm going to end up doing and being. I have all of these plans, but something inside me says that they're not going to go the way I planned them.
And with this trust and peace that I'm learning now, that's just fine with me.
