Flute Practice

I believe it's the journey that really matters.

And in that spirit I've gotta say that I think I have more fun with music than many of my fellow music majors. For it's common practice for me to truly "play" my instruments.

In fact, when people have looked in my practice room are most often confused and/or amused by what they see. Just because "work just can't be that much fun."

"Practice is required. Enjoyment is voluntary." Is a quote I got from a teacher once when I was being scolded on goofing off. But looking at it the other way, I'd say it tells you that you've got to choose in order to enjoy something.

That's how I'd like to live my life. I may not be the best or most studious, but by the time I've made it to the "experienced" point, I feel as though the journey itself was really worth something.

I feel not only as if I've learned. Though I have learned great skills and live a great life, I think that the real point is the love. The same as with people. You may never understand someone, but I think the point is loving them anyway.

Sunset

There are some days where I'm reminded that God called me to be here in Bozeman. A lot of things are difficult and trying, but He does give back some truly amazing moments in return.

Slow Down

Well, last night I was already feeling sick, so I decided to go to bed (it had been far too long anyway) early and just do everything in the early hours of the morning. Morning came and I couldn't get up. I tried to force it, but ended up just falling out of bed and spending the next hour crawling back in. The Holy Spirit said, "Stay."

But I tried to stand again and ended up with the same result. I heard the Holy Spirit say, "Stop." But I wasn't ready to give up.

Then I decided to do it no matter what. I got much farther than before, but my body just wasn't having it and I ended up just throwing up and being more miserable than before.

It was as I was sitting there, weak and shaky that I thought angrily, "What do You want from me? Why can't I just do this on my own? I don't want help."

Then I heard the Holy Spirit order, "Slow down!" And a moment later, when I'd finally stopped fighting that, I got another lesson from the best teacher there is.

He told me some things through my heart and I knew with a surety that what I had been doing was wrong. Not the fighting, but that I refused to sit still and listen. I was filling my time with things that didn't matter so much and forgetting to listen to the Lord. Sure, I prayed. I talked to Him. But at times where I need Him most, I was doing everything but listening to the very voice I needed.

Looking at it in that silence, I knew why. I finally have made the step in telling people I'm getting baptized as a Christian. It's been really hard and finally I just didn't want to deal with it. So I filled my days so full that sleep was dreamless when I finally got it. So full I didn't have to feel.

That's the part I got wrong. And anything less wouldn't have stopped my forced busyness. I had to be stripped of all my strength to do the things that I needed to do in order to realize that not much of it was truly needed. At least not compared to what I was trading it for.

I made it back to bed, took a sick day, and listened to a lot of things my Father wanted to tell me. Things that I truly need to know.

And now I'm truly grateful for his mercy in making me so sick. For my spirit had needed healing.

Humor

I'm always looking to improve life, find significance, and discover my own sense on things. And since I'm all together far too logical for my own good, often I will set up tests, collect data, reformulate the test to get different results...well, pretty much everything except a lab report. Never liked those much.

And funny as it is, I am finding that amusement, intelligent humor, is not only pleasurable, but I am suspecting essential. Laughter being a huge factor in my health (Though, it's not proven that this is why my hair grows so long and thick. Further testing needs done without cutting it every other week.) and sanity (though actual existence of sanity is hard to prove when in likelihood a double major must have not this thing to in fact be a double major).

The wit required to make an intelligent joke actually stimulates the brain in a way that is a combination of using previously hoarded knowledge and instantaneous adaptation simultaneously. And not just that, but it's gotta be put in context so that others get it (within reason, of course). Like a bad equation, you're not a genius for making up a solution that no one can duplicate.

Then the other side of it. Which is to say, you've got to be intellectually on your toes in order to stave off the attempts at your ego. Yea, your very reputation as a wit warrist. But seriously, if two or more people lived together and constantly were engaged in trying to kill the other person with laughter, then a lot of other stuff just falls into place.

And with that knowledge base, often it is knowledge of the other person, increasing friendship. In fact, that might be part of why every friend I get creates a new language. The base of knowledge changes, yet we still attempt (most often successfully) the consistent employment of humor.

Then we have breath support and I suppose a good general outlook on life. (Being a musician, they go in that order ;~) Even when laughter does not fix the situation, I have a thought that it clears your head a little, perhaps the air is shaken up, and the success rate of finding a solution increases.

What I'm saying is that humor is actually more important than its apparent levity implies and should not be thought of as superfluous in any fashion. There are very few situations that you can't squeeze a joke into. Though, when we were actually falling down the waterfall, I had to save all of the puns until the conversation had drifted a little.

Miracle

Well, here's the story on the retinal hemorrhage.

It was kinda funny. When the doctor asked if the blind spot had changed, I explained, "It was stable until today, but just a few hours ago the blind spot became see through and hardly visible. Even now I can barely find it and I've been seeing this thing constantly for over a week."

She was a bit confused at that and said, "Okay. Let's have a look. Usually, even if it was the kind that just absorbs back with no complications, it would take over a month to be nearly gone."

The eye doctor started tests and I watched as her expression gradually changed from doubt to surprise and then confusion. After completing the routine, she stood back, perplexed and said, "Well, I'm really glad we took a picture of it last time because without that I wouldn't have even known where to look. And even knowing where to look, I could only barely find it. Only the last traces of blood are there in the smallest quantities. I guess you've had some people praying for you because I don't know what to tell you."

She pointed at my charts, "The blood work's great. No diabetes, plenty of good stuff." She gestured back to me. "And no bad effects from the reabsorption back into the eye. In fact, we couldn't laser it out now if we wanted to, since it's hardly even there." She shook her head and checked again to be sure, but the results were the same.

I did pray that Heavenly Father would send the comforting side while I was at the doctors, but that I'd take what ever He felt was right for me to learn. And it was soon after that I noticed it was almost gone.

It is a miracle. There's nothing else to it. And I know who to thank for that one.

Studying Timothy

Well, as I was doing my scripture study this morning, I had an interesting moment.

I just started 1st Timothy and read through both books when I decided to spend some time looking up just who Timothy was to Paul (the author of those epistles). It intrigued me that Paul said that Timothy was in his prayers night and day, and then the "son of the faith" bit. I knew that the title son meant a whole lot back then to those family oriented people and so it was.

And as I started finding out about Timothy, I felt connected with him. Maybe just for now, but he was the son of a Greek and a Jewess and I felt the similarity with my own situation. To me, the Greeks were a more "logic" bound society, just as my father is. And the Jews were very religious by nature as my mother is. Yet, neither of these was the path for Timothy.

He met up with Paul and all too quickly was converted. I laughed at this because I am following that part right now, in meeting up with Carol. Timothy and Paul became fast friends through their time together and Paul began to trust Timothy, telling others of how he had proved himself as a Christian.

And in 1st Timothy, Paul called him his own "son of the faith." I liked that. It denoted both closeness and hierarchic relationship. And then, by the second letter, I think they had become even closer friends or perhaps Timothy just grew up more in the faith, for Paul then called him "brother" in Christ. I liked that transition and could just see them coming together once more and seeing eye to eye as equals in the gospel.

Paul was able to trust Timothy and Timothy always followed through.

It's a great example of friendship. For Paul calls Timothy likeminded to himself and that's because they each had a relationship with God resting right in between their friendship.

Organizing

I've been learning something that I'd like to remember for the next time I need to re-learn it, so it's going on here.

I want to set my compass towards the right way and get rid of a lot of the clutter I need to lose before I get there. This has emotional and spiritual components and I'm quite good at spending adequate time on those, but we are made of more than spirit and emotions.

So, it's time to deal with the physical. And for that, I'm heading towards Matthew 6: 25-27.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

It hit me again.

A lot of the stuff I have, I don't need and won't need. A lot of the stuff I do need, I need to get set in order.

It's not as though I am a pack-rat. Rather more like a minimalist (though it doesn't ever feel like it when I have to move :~) but at the same time that gives me more of a responsibility. I don't expect everyone to get rid of stuff, but since I naturally live with less, I think I should live that way.

There's been so much time that I've wasted thinking about temporal things when I could have spent it on spiritual had the stuff just been organized. Like with word documents, pictures, and music. And papers and art supplies.

I guess I'm saying with all my talents and interests, I'm getting distracted from what's really important. Not to say any of the things I'm distracted with are bad, but it gets back to that wrong order thing I'm working on.

And worrying won't add any time to my life, so it's time to get rid of my trust in things and trust in the Lord.