This next trial is going to be a hard one.
For my best friend's birthday this year, I am doing the best gift I can think of: A family portrait. Detail pencil sketch on a large, nice paper and everything. It's the sort of thing that people pay hundreds of dollars for because of the time and energy it takes. And even then, if the artist doesn't know you, sometimes they don't really "capture" the person. So, you pay also for the heart that has to be put into it.
Well, I've done three others of similar caliber in my life so far. And each previous time what I did was when I was just about finished, I would make a copy. Then I'd finish the drawing on the copied paper and give that away. Then I could keep the original to remember them by.
This was a good thing for me then and I had every intention of doing it again this time. But that's not what Heavenly father has in mind. I keep being prompted that this time I am to give this one away completely.
When the feeling first came, I tried to ignore it. After all this was going to be my best work yet. Three people that I cared for in the same picture. This project was going to take me many days of intense work, plenty of hours with utter exhaustion after every few. I was putting my all into this gift. He wouldn't really want me to keep nothing for myself after all that, right?
The feeling was persistent. Finally, I prayed and asked. And I knew without a doubt, though I didn't like the answer, it was clear. That's exactly what He wants.
The more you are given the more is required. And the more you are given, the harder it is to give up everything that you have.
But I suppose I started it by saying I wanted to be the person He wants me to be. This one is really a hard trial for me and I keep trying to wheedle out of it somehow.
Yet, especially with art, I know that I can't do anything without Him.
So, in a sense, me trying to keep this picture is like trying to keep a gift that wasn't mine in the first place. I think I understand now.
