In the past few months so many things have been happening so fast I can hardly keep up. One of the big things on that list is that before now I was terrified of people. It sounds funny and I couldn't really explain it, but other than a very small amount being around anyone put me on edge...sort of like tarantulas constantly being in the room would for some, I suppose.
But now, with help from multiple sides (including up) I am conquering that fear. And as a result, for the first time, people can get close enough that I get to know them and like them. I've been pretty much solely self-reliant all my life. If it was a choice between approaching someone and asking for a ride or taking the time to walk a few miles in the dark I would almost always choose the latter.
Things are changing slightly there, at the same time I am discovering my views on what I believe and getting to understand who God is to me. Both are really good, but as two friends pointed out to me in their own ways, it's the wrong order.
I never had to deal with "putting faith in man" before because, well, I never did. And since I haven't had to deal with it I didn't realize the danger.
Not only was I getting attached to people, but I was letting that attachment come before the one with me and God. Upon realizing this, I prayed and understood the concept like this: If I am a white light and God is a prism, I am to go through Him before touching anything else. Relationships are fuller, more colorful, more right that way.
Already I am understanding this and I want to be closer to Him. And in return He is answering my prayer and I feel as though He is drawing me in for the friendship of a lifetime.
