Two large things have happened in these past few months that have changed my life completely and both for the better. I finally truly get the concept of grace and I have a true friend. Well, I guess I have two counting Christ. =D
I feel the light inside me from the first, changing my life and how I live it. The spiritual knowledge I'm gaining is scintillating in my mind even as the light explodes from my spirit. Things still happen, and golly, life is still hard, but I understand the big picture better now.
There's so much to say on this part, but a lot of it's so immense and emotional that I'm not going to attempt to put it into words right now.
And then the second part... I always dreamed what this would be like, but though my dreams were grand and amazing, they simply pale in comparison with the real thing. I thought I understood friendship before now, but how little I really knew...
It's different somehow with Carol and I then what I had experienced before. I suppose that others, I have played the hero and loved and cared for, but learned to expect very little from in return. I enjoyed helping them, so I called it friendship and it was I guess...
Maybe this needs a different word then because it's nothing like that. With her, I feel like I can expect as much as I can give. Not just in gifts or time or encouragement, but in love itself. She teaches me and sometimes I think I teach her. At least, I know we are "competing" buddies and that's not just one sided.
When we hike, I push myself and I can see she does the same. The last time we even stopped at the same time (I was perhaps slightly more worn out, but no way to be sure).
I don't feel as though I've got to hold back. She understands my questions' intentions and she accepts both my weaknesses and strengths. I don't feel embarrassed around her for my talents or my knowledge, but rather spurred on.
And the laughter... :~) Oh boy, does she make me laugh. And vice versa. We share wisdom and wit back to back. And I just realized that she actually follows along with me. I mean, most are thrown off by that double meaning stuff. Heh, but then again most people can't have two entirely separate conversations with the same person at the same time and that happened pretty early on in our friendship.
I think that was before I really realized what was happening here and what I was getting into. ;)
And this last time she left... I had quite a bit of a harder time than I expected. Things just weren't the same without that one person there. I mean, I still functioned and I still had spirit and stuff. It just felt like I was constantly wishing for something.
When she came back and we saw each other at rehearsal, it was all I could do to wipe the goofy smile off of my face. And she was mighty talkative. In fact, at the end she started laughing so hard she couldn't stop. I haven't seen her do that in a rehearsal before.
Maybe Vonnie and Nancy are right: Perhaps I'm really not the only one being changed by this friendship.
