Back at School

The first day back after so long was actually a bit overwhelming.

I'd forgotten how loud and busy campus life always is. My classmates probably have the idea that I'm a hermit or at least a loner. Might be right, but I really just was trying to get away from the noise.

As for the classes, just looking at the syllabus I know most of them will be rather hard. And the part that makes them more so is I want to be either the top of the class or in the top 10%. Otherwise it probably would not be too hard.

It seems as though this entire year is really a "pre" year. I'm retaking some classes that I could have done better in so that next year I can be in the Honors Physics program and with Music Tech, first year is the gate preparation year.

That was one *gulp* moment yesterday....

It really hit me that with Music Tech, the situation is as follows:

People on the waiting list to get into the intro class: 150+

People who get into the intro class (over the year): ~80

Spots available for second year: 16

Three people did not make it the first class period and all of the people on that waiting list have had to pass several tests just to be on there. And it looks like our class is going to have another test this week to weed more people out.

So there's a 1/5 or so chance for me to make it past the gate. Right now, I'm pretty confident I can do it, since one of the major qualities that you need in this field is software adaptability. And that I definitely have. Also I'm no pushover on the musical arena either.

Man, I'm really starting to appreciate the fact that my second major does not have a gate. ;)

"Come What May"

Hahaha!

Well, I did it. I said that I was going to clean the house, "Come What May."

Note that these are very dangerous words to be used in most situations.

I started my cleaning rampage by doing the garbage, most of which ended up on the floor from the possibly preventable hole caused by forcing too much stuff inside to bag. But it got done (and the floor got mopped while I was at it).

Then I moved on to the dishes, gathering up all of my roommates three loads worth, as well as my own three dishes (if you count the spoon). I started the water and found that the sink was clogged. Tried plunging one side, but the wet rag on the other end didn't hold. But everyone needs a scummy, green washcloth in the face sometimes, right? Either way, the plunger didn't work.

So I tried unscrewing the thing. Didn't have pliers, but eventually did it bare-handed. Unfortunately the bucket I had underneath was 1. not big enough to hold more than half the water and 2. not sturdy enough to stay standing when all of the water gushed out onto the floor and my once white shirt. All said and done, though, it didn't work.

So, I decided to do the dishes in the bathroom sink. Basically reread the previous two paragraphs, except change the bowl and increase the amount of water and scum.

So, I decided to do the dishes in the bathtub, starting out by turning the water on, shrieking and proceeding to turn the shower head off. (But it got rid of some of the scum.)

Got a call while I was leaning over the side of the tub, water running, and scrubbing vigorously with the soapy sponge. I'm sure you can just imagine me trying to wipe off one hand and turn off the water with the other and try to keep up a good conversation while trying to keep sink scum from getting on the phone. Haha.

So, by this point, I decided to take a picture. Good thing too. That was only the dishes adventure...laundry just about did me in!

Tests in Patience

You know, one of these times I'll truly get the connection between praying for help in a particular quality and the trials that are bound to come in answer to that prayer.

So far I've tried this on a lot of different desired attributes, and I had concluded that the two most dangerous ones were "strength" and "faith." But after asking for "more patience"...I've gotta say, it's right up there too.

Strange as it is for me to admit it, one of the hardest parts of this trial has been my own emotional state. Stress, I'm really getting used to. Busy beyond belief is regular too. But having a close friend and having them out of reach for the really tough times...that's a trial in and of itself.

It's hard to explain, but I guess since I went without having a friend like this for so long, I didn't realize how hard it was. Like when I've had a hard day. I perk up because I have a friend that will understand and listen if I really need to talk (and often has the answers I need to hear). So, the skip comes into my step and I start to smile only to realize that I'm actually on my own. It shouldn't be how I feel, since mentally I know that I'm never truly alone; but it is.

On the plus side, I think I passed a few of my tests in patience (not all of them, but golly, that sort of endurance will take a while to build up). Like the one where I received a nasty note for doing something that person always asks me to do. It was in the morning when I found it and I took a lot of time to draft a reply and treat the person as if they were the ones that needed comforting. After I was done, I got that warm feeling of "well done." And afterwards I found out that they did in fact need comforted. It's kinda scary to think what would have happened had I pushed the other way and responded angrily.

Once I recover from this past week, I'll probably pray again for patience...Gee, for being a quick learner, I sometimes do things very much to the contrary.

Winter Garden

Finally have a portable, readily available source of winter cheer.

I was cleaning up our stairwell area and decorating the shelf thing that sits in the corner. If you know me, it's not too surprising to hear that some of the first things out there were plants. Hanging plants, green plants, brown plants, you name it.

Then I put out a picture and a cool little champagne bottle I have for decoration, yet it didn't quite fit the pattern. I rearranged things, but I kept wanting something more...useful, I suppose. Grabbing some dirt and 2 snow pea seeds, I made the bottle into a planter.

I wasn't quite sure about it, but sure enough the peas are sprouting and will be coming up over the top here soon. So, today, I'm sure you can guess what I did if you know the fact that my roommates drink a lot. That's right...I'm beginning to hoard beer bottles.

A few seeds from now, I'm going to do some tomatoes, basil, and possibly peppers.

That should help when we're deep within both the few feet of snow usually found in Montana winters and also finals. Something flourishing will hopefully help in some way. (I'll guess I'll find out when I pass with flying colors, right? ;)

Excited for School

Just one week left!!

It's been a full year of gaining residency (which meant no school, so I could save up money) and now I'm finally going back. It's wonderful! I've been really looking forward to this.

Not to mention, I'm actually really excited to be a Montanan. It's strange, since I haven't felt much loyalty to a place or school before now and here I am... Wearing MSU sweats, getting ready to work out at the gym and planning on going to the first game I get the chance to.

One important thing I discovered during this time, though, was the fact that I wish to "learn all of my life." It really hit me how hard it was to take a year off and I believe that that's going to stay with me for a long time.

Not everyone wishes it, but I sure do. Even if I get a career, I think in my actions at least, I will always be "going to school."

Light versus Shadow

There is a constant debate, a consistent struggle of proverbial wills if you will, between two basic ideas.

I was reading a book recently that had a bit of dialog that really hit me and made me tink about this struggle once more.

The Terstan frowned. “The [disease] is caused by our own choosing.”

“Who would choose such a thing?”

“Those who pretend it doesn’t exist. Those who receive the gift, then turn away from it to follow their own path.”

“But why would anyone, once they had the Light, refuse it if it really is good?”

“Because even when we have the Light, we still carry the Shadow. And the Shadow will always strain against the Light. When we let the Shadow have sway over us, when we indulge its desires and delusions consistently, ignoring the Light, refusing its entreaties—that’s what eventually causes the madness.”

I realized that whether I acknowledge it consciously, there is a war going on for my soul, for every soul for that matter.

That says books worth for our self worth. Think about it. The most powerful beings in existence would love to have each and every person on their side and are constantly trying to make it that way.

And even cooler yet, is the fact that they can't make us. Agency make it so that choice is based off of belief, so the result is all our own.

Pretty amazing.

Indeed a Friend

I've been reading "The Soloist," and a particular sentence jumped out at me that hasn't before now.

"If a friend is someone who inspires, who challenges, who sends you in search of some truer sense of yourself, then [he] is indeed a friend."

I guess I didn't have a friend like that when I first read this passage. But when I read that quote this time, there was a deep understanding of what he meant.

There are times I wish that my friend did not challenge me like she does and sometimes I'd almost rather take an easier road. Yet, when its all said and done, I find myself knowing more of myself. I find it easier to ask myself the hard questions. And whenever I feel down at all, even if its just a wavering of hope, she is always there in my mind as inspiration.