Logic and Belief

Last night, I was asked how I came to the conclusion that God exists. I smiled and explained that it was quite logical for me just looking at things like DNA and the beginning of space-time. Belief in God was easy. I mean, the chances of DNA working out to the model of complexity it did is darn near impossible and then of course there is the moment of space-time being created.

The real question of my conversion that she meant to ask was how did I come to believe in Christ. Because that can't be taken the same way.
Word became flesh. Entirely God and yet, entirely a human man. Completely dead and then totally alive again. One in three and somehow, three in one. Dying to live. None of it is logical in conventional manners.

As I said, believing in God was relatively easy. All creation points to His existence and the further I get in science, the more proof there is for me.

But Christ... that one had to be taken by faith. Believing God's Word about His son was a lot harder than looking at scientific facts about creation. It became far too personal to be objective anymore. (Just as He planned it to be.) And yet, I realized the ultimate objective truth. Not through my mind, but through my heart. I told her I came to believe because God chose me, I chose Him and in pursuing me, He wooed me. That's how I've come to believe.

Fraught with Possibilities

Today was my first day back at school and Carol was sure right about one thing. None of my current professors (or fellow students) had seen me at full energy ever before. I almost felt like I needed a disclaimer on my person at all times.

Katlyn (the friend I made when I first got in a wheelchair) saw me in Physics and after a bit of conversation said, "So, this is the real you, huh?"

I said, "Yes. Sorry you haven't met the whole me before. Do you want me to calm it down? I know a few friends that I've done that for already." She said she didn't need it, so I went on. "Golly, I forgot how fraught with possibilities every day is! Oops, I mean full of possibilities. Fraught makes it sound kind of dangerous."

Katlyn smirked and said, "Nope. You had it right the first time. I have a feeling that with this new you, the possibilities are quite dangerous."

We laughed and I was happy. My professors seemed to be all right with it, though a bit thrown off. I surprised myself in Physics. Not once in 3 semesters have I spoken up in class, but today I kept saying the answers as soon as they were asked. Which was fast. Carla was surprised too. She knows I talk because of the Physics department parties, but otherwise I don't speak. She raised her eyebrows in surprise and sometimes I blushed at my hitherto undiscovered boldness.

And in Music History it was the same thing. My professor asked if I was this energetic this last semester or if he just hadn't noticed. My classmates assured him that I was back to my old self. Orchestration was a new professor. We both had the same surgery during the break. He spoke of the depression and craziness of oxicotin. I'll admit, that was the one moment today that I really slowed down and was totally calm. I understood in a very intimate way what he spoke of. The feeling of swimming out in the middle of a sea and realizing that you really might not make it back this time. That you're sinking with no way home.

The secretaries knew me from before surgery and exclaimed, "You're really back, Jen! We missed you!" I was glad. They're crazy in a way I find endearing as well.

All of today has been fraught with possibilities! And the neat thing is, one of those possibilities is to just be still and watch something silently or to write or read. Before surgery that wasn't an option, but now I feel free to even do that. Amazing how limitations can open up a vista of opportunities if allowed.