Longer Lessons

A lot of things have changed since the end of last September. I really keep looking back at that progression of time as I heal from the last surgery.

There were two types of changes and really, I'm glad I got to taste both groups. There were the lessons I was very aware of. The fights and battles to learn what I needed to in crisis situations. Things like patience in a wheelchair or dependance and trust when handicapped. Things like love for those like me and love for those with more than me. These things were fast and I'm glad I learned them.

Then there were the lessons I just realized were going on this whole time. These were the slow things. The things you learn not by trying, but by being shaped day by day into a completely different person. These are the lessons learned from enduring sickness or enduring trials where the end is not apparent and often not even looked for. Since I just barely realized this week these lessons were going on, I'd like to focus on those ones.

I joked with a friend about one just this Wednesday, but it's true. Through the sickness, one lesson that has finally come about is a certain “wisdom.” Perhaps it is just knowing how to work around my own stupidity most of the time and not trying to pretend it's not there. And sometimes this wisdom simply looks like knowing when to be still and quiet. There's a lot of wisdom to be had in a silent pair of eyes.

Another lesson that took even longer is trust in God. That one had to be learned both the quick and the long ways. The quick one was hard, but in its own way the long one was far harder. It reminds me of a C.S. Lewis quote about how when man looks out and sees no sign of God, but still obeys, then that is the worst predicament for a tempter of his soul. I guess I've felt that quite a few times. Even when I was at my worst in a state of withdrawal, I cursed God, but couldn't deny Him. At my depths, I did not know what else to do, but pray. In fact, I still don't know what else to do.

That's the depth with which He has changed me over the past year and months. Because every time I felt sick or the spasms hit, I learned to turn to Him. So now, whenever anything hits, I know no other way to be.

Endurance is of course the best long lesson to learn. I know I still have a long way on that one, but still the depth of the lesson surprises me. I knew I had to keep going even when my strength was gone and now that I've been given a new chance at energy and life, I hardly know how to contain myself.

Then appreciation for life. Golly, that one just hit me today! I forgot how exciting every breath is, every step is, every chance to see the sun and stars or read a book. And this isn't even heaven! Ha!

I'm glad for the accident. At the beginning, I guessed it was all part of God's plan for me. Good guess, but now I know even some of the good that has come of this and I've got to say (though I do not recommend getting hit by a truck) that it was totally worth it.

Humility and Respect

I really came to appreciate the guys in my interdisciplinary class this year and it culminated in this final watching and voting on final projects for the multimedia series concert.

Sure, a lot of them tried to put on the appearance of "laid back" and "cool slacker," but I came to know better as the semester went on. They may have been light about things on the outside, but when it came to projects, the work really showed. All 7 projects that were shown in class were exceptional. I was surprised at the level that we each produced. The film students learned to score and the music students learned to shoot and everyone learned to use symbolism craftily to express emotion.

But that wasn't the real neat thing about that class. What was really neat about all of the guys was their true humility. They would create something so beautiful and not be timid that they did, but then they were just as thrilled to see the next person's work as they were their own. So, just because you made something incredible, didn't mean the next guy's work was more or less incredible. So when it came to voting, we were all excited with the choices that got on the show. Like my favorite was honestly not my own, though I really loved how it turned out, it was Jeremy's. And all of us cheered when Edgar made it.

I guess it was the love in that class that impressed me.

Just as I was surprised to finally understand something we have had in our Physics class the whole time. On the last day when Carla was about to leave so we could fill out evaluations, our whole class clapped and cheered. Not because she was leaving, but as a sign of deep respect for Carla as a teacher. She was surprised at first, but then did a bit of a bow. I smiled because her eyes said that she was touched, like she was going to cry from love. Carla doesn't get emotional, but none of us held that against her. I realized it was like a "Dead Poet's Society" moment. Where we said, "Oh Captain, my Captain," and meant it. And she knew that we meant it. I don't know how many professors earn standing ovations for a required course, but Carla did.

Each one of us was proud to call her our teacher and she changed lives in there. Just from a Physics 3 class.