"Innerconnections"

So, in film we just turned in our self portraits. There were many parameters on the project, but the basic gist was we were to pick an idea about ourselves and express it symbolically through film and music.

I chose to do mine on how I mix the worlds of science, faith, and music indiscriminately.

The class really liked it and honestly I was pleasantly surprised. Though of the three subjects I chose, my classmates were only really a part of the music world, each one expressed how they liked different parts mixing. None are Christian, none are physicists, but they all had positive things to say about even those parts of me and how they were expressed. One guy said, "It's like you're saying the same thing just in three languages that I hadn't heard translated between before. Here, it's like they're...they're the same thing just said different."

The piece reflected the happiness I've found as well as the peace. And the excitement of the ever-changing parts of each subject. The really happy section of almost all Gamelan made them laugh because, yes, I am far too happy to be allowed sometimes. Then there were comments on the interesting instruments I used. They asked what they were and I had to admit that mostly it was simply my voice made to sound like a flute or harp or drum.

So, here it is. Compressed a lot on video and audio for easier internet streaming:
"Innerconnections"

"The Authority" and "The Unnamed God"

Lately (within the past month) I have been squeezing in reading a few books that had inspiration for thoughts about God. First of all, I went back and reread "The Golden Compass" and its sequels which is known to be a very adamant atheist series. The first time around when I read it, I didn't remember it to be so and decided it would be good to find out why.

The answer to that one was easy. I didn't know God back then.

In the second book, they begin talking about god and how the main character's dad, Lord Asriel, was going to try to kill him. This god they spoke of was referred to as "The Authority." The reason I don't capitalize this god is he's not God. And anyone who knows Him sees that right away. The Authority was tired of the human race, indifferent, and no longer even ran things, he gave over authority to an angel and decided to wipe out the whole race down to a single Adam and Eve again.
I didn't even recognize this god. He wasn't even a good parody of God. How could the true Creator of all that is and was and every will be not love His creations?
He tells us He does and has proved it countless times, the biggest example being Christ. In this series, there was no mention of Christ and I could understand why. "The Authority" never would have sacrificed himself to save us, but God did.

In the next book, "Wicked" the minister at the beginning uses an odd name for God. He keeps saying, "The Unnamed God" and makes all these crazy assumptions. One of the biggest lies was "God wants me to be content, without strife in this life." Ha.
Then I realized that he doesn't know God either. How could he know Him and say He is unnamed? He is not unnamed! He is Christ, He is the Great I Am! Name Him and love Him.

Just like in "A Wind in the Door," there is a concept of people being named and naming people. Once you name someone, you can't help but love them for who they are, as they are, good and bad. God gave us some of His names. Every time I use one, I get this thrill of love in my stomach.

What then saddened me is that these views are real ones. I mean, there are really, actively people out there who don't know Him for who He is. All god is to them is an absent, angry, unknowable being or else someone who demands obedience but does not earn it.

My God is the God of Love. He's my Dad and actively interested in my every thought. He's a God who wants my best, not my comfort, and He would love me if I didn't obey His laws, but I do and only serve Him gladly, not out of a sense of should haves.
I am proud to say I know Him and that's about all I'm really proud about: That He is my God!

Switching Wills

Though I have a lot of stress, not often do I actually "feel" stressed. (Exams being an obvious exception.) Usually I just try to delve in and do all that I can without looking to when the craziness will end. But today was one of those rare days that I actually felt stressed out for a while.

To be short: I have a project for film, my SD card for the video didn't work, the cord for my external harddrive died, there was no cord to hook up the camera directly, the cord I bought for the harddrive didn't work with the USB hub, the computer that I had to use did not have the right conversion program, that computer also had no internet to download that program, no internet meant no online help manual, the physical help manual was outdated, after getting the files to the computer they were the wrong type, the camera wouldn't copy to the newly purchased SD card, camera needed turned back in for another student, the harddrive crashed...etc, etc, etc.

During all of this I was feeling stressed out. As is my habit now, I began to pray before really stopping to think about it. I said that I was stressed and that I knew worrying couldn't add an hour to my life, but could it help me not lose 12 hours of recorded film footage? Then I said that I knew this was all for my good and I'm sure if I worked it right, this whole thing could make me look more like Christ (the ultimate good God refers to). 

Then I stopped to think about that last thought. This was meant to shape me into someone looking more like Christ. Was Christ ever stressed and struggling with human nature?

After that my prayer changed entirely. I asked for help because I wasn't strong enough to do this without getting stressed, but you can't love by worrying like that. And though part of me felt perfectly justified in my feelings I remembered that worship is an act of discipline. I asked God to help me throw out my own perfectly strong will and replace it with His will. It wasn't something I could do half-heartedly, I really meant for His will to be done and not mine. Mine was to be frustrated. His will for me was to trust in Him even if that meant things not "working out." It was a battle that went on for hours down there in the lab, but every time the battle to give over my will became easier. 

It felt strange because I was fighting myself and not Him, which is opposite of how my sin-based self operates. My human instinct is to blame bad luck and get angry, this time I felt as though I was fighting to lay my self on an altar. I suppose now that I said it that way, I can see how right that is and I'm going to try to get on that altar whenever I can.