One of the strange things about me is my utter inability to notice what someone looks like, including ethnicity and lately, I've been really stuck on this. I felt it was something that needed to be fixed. A personal defect. I was sure I could find an answer to it in the scriptures or with wise friends. So I asked friends of quite a few backgrounds and I searched, but wasn't really finding the cure spelled out like I wanted it to be.
I thought the answer wouldn't come, but then it did. Through prayer, God whispered the answer, and it wasn't the answer I expected at all. There have been so many changes, so many problems that have been solved recently, that I have fallen into a trap. And that trap is to stop trusting God with things. I've been using the bible solely as an emotional medical dictionary.
And I realized why something I saw as a defect really bothered me so much. I was forgetting to learn from trials as I'm going through them. I really had started to turn away from God once things started to become easier.
"I try to keep my hands open because it hurts too much when God has to pry my fingers apart."
Though I've been learning so much, I've also been closing my fingers to Him.
It's so easy to fall. I mean, the gospel gives so much knowledge towards growth. But now I understand (once again) that a huge part of all this is to grow closer to and dependent on God.
So, that answer I finally got...heh... it was a simple, "trust Me."
. . . Amazing how He knows exactly what few words to say to bring me right back to my knees when I've forgotten why I needed to be there in the first place.
