Everything

What I first saw as a betrayal, as one of the worst things that could have ended up happening, ended up being the best thing that could have ever happened to me at such a pivotal point in my life. Romans 10:28-29 basically. God uses everything for our good and that good is to make us like Christ.

I couldn't see that a few months ago when it felt like my world was crashing down. But now I see. He gave me the tools before hand to ask for help. And in getting that help, I've learned so much spiritually that I don't think I could have otherwise learned so quickly. Through all of these difficult times, my relationship with God has deepened more than I thought possible.

The more I know, the more I love Him. And the more I come to love Him, the more I feel His love for me.

When this happened, I cursed God. I hated what happened and I hated myself. I asked, "Why now? Why would you let this happen? What did I do wrong?"

He has been so patient with me, leading me down the path I really wanted while I fought Him every step of the way.

And now I understand a little clearer that when God says "everything" that's really what it is. Everything.

Really Just Playing

Tonight something sporadic and surprisingly enjoyable happened.

I was talking with Alli (one of my roommates) and finally right at the end, mentioned pointedly that I wanted to hear her play the violin since I hadn't yet. She was a bit reluctant, but then she started pulling out music and looking through it.

After a bit she pulled out some sheet music and said, "Okay, but you'll play the second part then," and handed it to me.

I looked at it and gulped. (Holy...what in the world is she thinking, thinking I could sightread THAT!) In jest I said, "Uh, sure...on what instrument?"

She said, "Violin, of course. Unless you can play violin music on the flute."

So, I got out the flute and tried. The piece was still a bit out of my sight-reading range, so she pulled out another piece. We tried me on the double notes...but that was way too boring. I only got to play a little.

In frustration I said, "Look, could I just harmonize with you by ear?"

She looked at me, "You can do that?"

Relieved, I exclaimed, "Oh heck yes, I can!" And off we went.

It was wonderful. The experience I'd longed for with music, but didn't know it.

Sometimes things were off between us, but not as often as I'd feared. She was like a steady ribbon of sound, flipping and waving through time. And I was next to her, flying like a bird. Jumping, fluttering, soaring, diving.

I felt free. And so did she, she informed me later that many of those notes were added in or made up entirely.

I felt as though she and I were speaking in a language that I had not spoken with someone like that with. And now I want to get even better at it so that I can do that again with others.