One Strand Left

Sometimes, there are moments in life that take away all that you felt you could cling too. As if all of life were a rope that you are trying to climb and somewhere along the way, strings are unraveling and breaking off one by one. Then all that is left is that one thread that you cling to, just trying to muster the courage to climb once more.

I suppose that's some of what I feel, right now especially. I feel as though I'm trying to hold together those unraveling and snapping strings until I will only have one strand left.

And I know it's at that point that God comes and says, "let go." And funny enough, I feel just as unable to let go of the little string as I did the sturdily woven rope. That's probably the point I was supposed to learn.

I keep holding on, trying to fool myself into thinking that if I, myself, am strong enough, the string won't snap.

...but that is wrong.

There is only one way out. The same way there was even when I was climbing a solid rope. I know that God can catch me and always will, so why do I still strive for autonomy?

Called

Called to it in more ways than one.

Lately, I have been talking to a friend about what it means to be "called" to a task or "called" to serve. This has always been a big part of my existence. So big, in fact, that I never took special thought to it until I have had to teach others about what I naturally do and feel.

What being called means to me is when you know that some task is what God wants you to do and you do it and He gives you the tools you need to accomplish the task. Such as when I am taught the rules of bike riding from a friend just two days before I am "called" to teach two others that want to learn to ride. God gave me the initial impulse to learn, the teacher, and the impulse to take on students.

And as for tonight. It's been a long day...and I haven't slept well with all the nightmares and such for a really long time. So, I was looking forward to sleeping soundly and trying to recover from the tiring weekend. I think it was a test, though.

Just a bit into the deep sleep, I woke up to hear the phone ringing. In my mind, I asked God, "Do I really have to answer or can it just wait until I feel like answering, Father?"

His answer was a compulsion of the sort, that I knew I was being "called" as well as called. It's true, He has often answered with "sleep on," but this time, I got the feeling that I was being "called" and to a difficult task at that.

I had a choice. I even knew I did. But at the same time, I want to be a tool in His hand, so I answered and spent the next three hours battling for good. And so many of the tools, He handed to me. He gave me energy to speak when my own was gone, put words into my mind that were beyond my directional wisdom, and gave me delicacy in topics that I normally would not have had the courage to speak of.

It is natural to me. All my life, I think I can remember being called, but now, I think I'm starting to appreciate that. I like being His tool. And I know He knows me, knows what others need, and know the lessons I need.

That's one other thing about being called. Sure, I'm called to help someone, but I think, really, it's usually me that gets the most learning out of it. Just like tonight, when I was called, He taught me about fear, the exact thing I have been struggling with. And ironically enough, I think I will now sleep and not be weary like I have been before. So once again, He has answered my prayers in ways that I had not thought of.