Something happened yesterday.
At first I thought it was a bad thing; I had gone to such lengths to avoid it. But now I am thinking that I needed this to happen after all.
Last night, I felt one of my dizzy spells come on and it was in the middle of a song at chorus. I tried to make it through the song (still not sure if I did or didn't) and then planned to slip away to the bathroom or something before anything happened so that no one would know.
But it didn't work. I fell backwards right where I stood.
I don't remember a whole lot from that time. But I do remember falling and more importantly, I remember someone (or some people) catching me before I hit the risers. Someone told me what to do, someone held my hand, someone asked me what I needed and so on. And even as I was embarrassed to be there and be in my situation, I recognized the concern and willingness to help from those around me.
It was only by looking back on what happened, that I learned. And boy, did I learn a lot of things that I really needed to know.
You see, I almost always have my focus upon being strong. So strong that I do not let down and actually had unintentionally gotten into the mindset that I could not let down. It was almost as if I believed my strength was why people liked me. I mean, sure, it's a good quality and one I intend to keep developing, but my focus on it was misplaced.
I guess the most important lesson was simple: I am allowed to fall and if I do, someone might actually be there to catch me.
And you know. I don't know any other way I could have really learned that particular lesson. Also, it feels good. I've never been weak before like this. I always assumed that I was the one who was always strong for everyone else and that it would always be that way.
But for a little bit my world was turned upside down. And it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.
